I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
