roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
