Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
