mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
