and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
