i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
