The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
