you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
