I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
