She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
