So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
