Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
