Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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