Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
