His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
