We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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