it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
