I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and she was petting her beer can
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
