I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
