Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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