Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
