Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
