am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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