We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
