You made me cry and you don't even care
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
