I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know, be my cock's hype man.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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