im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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