I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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