i will never coherently bang her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
