the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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