some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
