So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
