By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
