My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your cock deserves a montage
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
