know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
