mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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