TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
