Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
