How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
