I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
