Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
