He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
