i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
