My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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