You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
