Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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