You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
