I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
