dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Less talking, more tequila
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
