if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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